You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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