so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just had sex on a roof
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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