You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
