operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
