My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
