On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
