'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
