Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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