East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
