Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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