dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
