Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
