I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
