hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
