How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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