I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
