i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
