Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
