when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
