saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
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I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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