It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
