I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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