I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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