The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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