No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
