Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
