You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart