You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
