my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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