When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dating After Heartbreak
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?