i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets