I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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