i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
