So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
