Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
where does the pee come out of this thing
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize