those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
