She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
