i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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