He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
