just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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