Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
