Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
