if i can run in heels then i can drive
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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