Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
