Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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