you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
