Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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