We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
