So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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