and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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