and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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