I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i out mim tonsoeep
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
