does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
