she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
