You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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