never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
