I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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