you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
