I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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