Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
