If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
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Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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