Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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