what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
