: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
