Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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