Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
