Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
