hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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