OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
