I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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