Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
