i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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