Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
