Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
