Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
