JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
