I hope mine doesn't look like that
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
