No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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