We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
