Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You were trust falling into bushes
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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